The Dying Flame- CH1
by maddrks
Summary: In a strange new world, Ugnad struggles to understand himself. Tides of emotions and intentions flow throughout the city of Hapifinland, whisking him along with it. Little does he expect, when he comes across a very unique couple. Will their love succeed in changing his life? For the better or for the worse?


Once upon a time, Ugnad saw Steve walking down the road. Scathingly, he mumbled, "Steve! He must haz finished his poop!" As all of the Earthlings knew, people only pooped once a year; They would leave school or their jobs and disappear for a day to defecate all that built up over the year, and it was a **very **big deal.

Steve, Ugnad thought, must have just returned from his annual poop; it must not have been fun. Pooping can be very painful. In a world where everyone was constipated except for once a year- ouch.

"Steve, my good friend! How was your poop?" cried out Ugnad in utter admiration. Steve looked up confusedly.

"Ugnad? Were you dead or something? Don't you remember the tornado that interrupted my poop? Now I'll have to wait a whole other year to finish. Along with next year's poop." The muscular, grey man mumbled under his breath, "It was a good poop, too..."

Ugnad sighed regretfully, " Sorry to hear that. At least it's better than reading mprg fanfictions all day. My cousin, Itaki- I mean, my GF Itaki, forced me."

Steve gasped. Girlfriend?! He had thought Ugnad and Uganda had a loving, caring relationship that was _CANON._

Ugnad, looking rather troubled, now appeared to want nothing more than to change the subject. His eyes were trained on his shoes, contemplatively. Finally, he whispered softly, "Steve... can you keep a secret?"

"No." Steve looked down at the smallish, rainbow boy in disgust. That's all he was. A boy. He need not get wrapped up in such mature themes.

"Then," murmured Ugnad, "That's all I need to hear." In one swift movement, he had reached into his purse and retrieved a large, framed scrapbook page containing millions and millions of printed out private FaceBook chats. With a wile, insane, poopish glare, he exclaimed, "I LOVE EVERYONE. NOT JUST ITAKI!"

"_WHAT?!"_ Steve was in utter shock. His very best friend, a super-sexual?!

"Now you're just making words up," muttered Ugnad angrilee. "Oh, did I mention? I can also read minds. The dolphins that lived in the temple where I used to be the janitor taught me."

Steve's jaw dropped open. He simply stood there, in utter resignation, turned, and he ran. He ran, and ran, and ran, until he could not run anymore. And then he ran some more.

It was not until he reached the cafe by a deep, dark, dangerous, utterly utter and completely utterly dangerous alley.

Struggling to catch his breath, he heard footsteps.

Whipping his head around with speed of sound, he saw Ugnad. "I followed you here," he cried. "Because... because I... I love..." Ugnad blushed and turned away. Steve noticed something small and shimmery fall from his eye. A diamond? It had to be. In this world tears did not exist. "I love... pumpkin... pie."

"Ugnad... Ugnad is that true?!" Steve was sobbing. "Ugnad.. You know the laws! You'll be killed! No, no no no no no no no no. Ugnad! No! No! This can't be happening! No! No no no no no no no no no no!"

After this dialouge, he whipped his hair back and forth, because he's on a boat, bitches. Like a boss.

"I'm sorry..."

With one swift, crude moment, Ugnad brought a spork to his forhead. A switchblade spork.

"I'm sorry I brought you into all of this. It's my fault. Everything bad ever. My fault. I caused that tornado, I made the barralz invadee, I... Me... My fault. Because I... I am... Derpcat's son." And then, he was pulled the spork back through his skull. He died.

They always say how people look so beautiful and peaceful when they're dead. Not Ugnad, no, he was far from it. He just looked... Dead. Like a flower with no petals. Like a shoe with no butter. Dead. Gone.

Steve could not bring himself to the realization that his best friend- his only friend- was dead. And an outlaw. And a super-sexual, whatever that was, but mostly dead.

Steve ran his fingers through Ugnad's rainbow dreadlocks. A dull pain was gradually spreading throughout his chest, throbbing and stinging. Steve grabbed the switchblade spork and slowly brought it to his forehead, ready to do the unthinkable. He wanted to die.

He was ready.

In a strange new world, Ugnad struggles to understand himself. Tides of emotion and intentions flow throughout the city of his


End file.
